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Wednesday, February 28, 2024

Bloodborne Is Like Parenting… No Wait Hear Me Out

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It’s difficult, but deeply rewarding. It’s a lot easier when you have help. You can’t pause it. And at some point, you WILL ask, “wait, what am I supposed to do with the umbilical cord?” Am I describing Bloodborne… or parenting? Or both?

We’ve all heard something difficult described as “The Dark Souls of ____” – but hear me out: the first thing you do in Bloodborne AND as a parent is stumble out of a hospital terrified at what happens next and with no clear instructions about how to approach it. In both cases, this terrifying new scenario is the result of some reckless behavior involving bodily fluids.

Early on, it’s not easy – it can be frustrating, confusing, scary – and everybody’s talked it up so much that you might feel like there’s something wrong with you personally for not immediately loving it… and if we're being honest, a lot of people DO give up and just walk away.

However, a special camaraderie is formed among those who have overcome the many challenges surviving the hunt and/or raising a kid, and complete strangers are often quick to help each other out, whether they’re being summoned to help beat The Blood Starved Beast, or coming to the rescue when another parent ran out of wipes.

For some, going through the whole ordeal once is enough, while others are immediately ready to do it again. Whether you’re starting a new game plus or having a second kid, there’s an increased challenge on a strictly mathematical level; in Bloodborne, the enemies have more HP and do more damage; with a second kid, that’s twice as many mouths to feed. However, some find the second go much easier, since this time around you know exactly what to do. Plus, all your experience and most of your equipment carries over. Y’know, unless you sold your Kirkhamer or donated those swaddles.

Don’t brag about your accomplishments; saying it’s easy benefits no one and makes you sound like a jerk


Maybe through some combination of skill or luck, you found this infamously harrowing challenge to be a walk in the park. That’s great! By all means, share your tips and tricks with newcomers. Even better, offer some assistance. Whatever you do, don’t brag about your accomplishments; saying it’s easy benefits no one and makes you sound like a jerk. If you really insist on making it a contest, that comes later. In Bloodborne, it’s PVP. In parenting, it’s pumping points into your kid’s insight and enrolling them in AP classes and extracurriculars. Either way, it involves sinister bells ringing.

In any case, whether you’re a hunter braving the cosmic horrors of that great nightmare frontier, or a parent running on three hours of sleep, may you find your worth in the waking world. Don’t give up! A hunter is never alone! …Er, parent. Whichever.

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